


While You Were Out

by orphan_account



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2015-11-29
Packaged: 2018-05-03 17:51:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5300990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hot tip of the day: when you find yourself in a hospital bed, drowsy and aching yet unmistakably awake, don't tell anybody just yet. People say some pretty interesting things when they're certain no one's awake to hear them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's All a Bit of a Blur

Beep. Beep. Beep.

_Ugh, just a few more minutes,_ you thought. In defiance of your alarm clock, you refused to open your eyes. It occurred to you moments after that everything hurt, and that you hadn't used an alarm clock in years. This, of course, was cause for alarm (pun intended). Your eyes fluttered - almost open, almost there - and fell shut again. You weren't ready for this yet. The beeps kept beeping, and a persistent chemical smell made your nose tickle. 

_Hospital,_ you thought. _Ultron_ _,_ you thought.

_Dammit_ , you thought.

A few things came trickling back to you as you tried to muster the strength to open your eyes. The phrase "suit up" repeated often enough to make a drinking game out of it, the twins, Tony's computer being an absolute dickhead, fighting alongside your closest friends. A few scrapes and bruises for everybody, but nothing hospital-worthy. News of a successful civilian rescue crackling in your ears. A scream, the smell of burning metal... and then nothing.

As an experiment, you moved one of your fingers beneath the blanket. Pain. You winced, and more pain. Quickly, you tried to even out your breathing, figuring everything would feel a whole lot better if you could just go back to sleep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

You focused on the rhythms of those incessant, mechanical tones, trying to match the rise and fall of your breath to each one. Beep, in. Beep, out. Beep, in. 

_I wonder what happened to me,_ you thought.  _Surely something major to have landed me here. I'd say broken bone, but it feels way worse than that._

_Hey, stop thinking, brain. Just let me sleep._

_You know that never works, right?_

Even your own internal conversation couldn't deter you forever. Beep, in, beep, out, and you felt yourself drifting pleasantly off to sleep.

"Where's the rest of the team?"

"Recuperating. I just had to come see [Y/N]."

"Right this way. I'm afraid [Y/N] hasn't woken up yet."

"Really? Damn. Well, this will have to be a one-sided conversation."

You heard the scrape of a plastic chair somewhere to the side of you, the soft rustle of weight settling, the muffled clatter of a nurse in orthopedic shoes striding out of the room, the whirr of a door closing behind her. You were a bit annoyed, having been so close to falling asleep. You kept your breathing pattern, hoping you could still manage to doze off, visitor be damned.

Only then did it occur to you who that voice belonged to.


	2. Seeing Stars (and Stripes)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's always another fight. There's always another war.  
> But with Steve around, you might be able to make use of the time in between.

"Hey, [Y/N]," he said, softly, and you almost opened your eyes. You decided you could save falling asleep for later. You could save pretty much anything for later, for Steve Rogers. He was far and away your best friend on the team, and you had long kept yourself going with the thought that, after this emergency or that disaster was over, maybe you could finally admit to him that what you felt for him was just a little different than friendship.

But of course, there was always another emergency, always another disaster, always another battle, always another war. So instead of telling him, you kept your silent thoughts to your silent self and relished every hug he gave you.

You certainly weren't mad about being woken, to say the least. You started to open your eyes, fighting a wince. Almost, almost.

"I... I should get this out now. It might be easier to say while you're not listening." Steve chuckled ruefully, and you tried not to be startled, tried not to let the beeping machines - and therefore Steve - know that you were awake. Even breaths. Beep, in. Beep, out.

"Hospitals have changed," he mused quietly. "Everything's changed."

You know more about Steve's past than most people, and certainly more than S.H.I.E.L.D. would like. You know how hard it's been for him. It's not easy being optimized for a different era, and it's even less easy when everyone around you seems to know exactly what they're doing. You've often felt a little out of place among your teammates, and you can't imagine how much bigger that feeling is for Steve.

_It's like living in the shadow of WWII, forever,_ he told you. That was the first time he'd opened up to you. First time he'd really opened up to anyone like that - _At least, in this generation,_ he'd said. Most of the team was out drinking that night. You two were in drinking - you couldn't abide the thought of a bar at that point, and someone had to keep you company. Funny. It dawned on you now, thinking back to that incident, that he was incapable of becoming intoxicated.

The thought had never occurred to you before.

"I'm sorry," he said. You quickly refocused your attention, trying to eliminate all the tension from your body.  _I'm asleep, I'm asleep._

"For what happened yesterday, I mean. Stark's being unbearable, of course. And Natasha says when you get out of here, we should name a scrap metal place in your honor." Another weak chuckle. You were sure that joke would be funnier if you remembered what happened.

"They're worried though. I'm worried. I'm sorry. If I had gotten to you a little sooner... it's my fault. I'm sorry, [Y/N]."

Oh, holy shit. He was blaming himself for whatever the hell had happened to you. You were  _so_ not okay with that. Knowing Steve, he had probably kicked the ass of whatever had taken you out of commission and carried you somewhere safe and, well, been Steve.

_Sorta wish I'd been awake to remember that,_ you thought.

"If I could trade places with you, I would. You shouldn't have to be in the hospital." You heard his voice get closer to your ear, felt a hand on your hand. One of your many beeping machines started beeping at a much faster rate, and you cursed inside your head for being unable to control your heartbeat. Steve didn't seem to notice.

"But I can't," he said. "You're stuck here. So just... get better. Please, [Y/N]. I - we - it feels wrong without you there."

You tried to calm yourself down, keep feigning sleep, but his hand on your hand and your stupid heart monitor would betray you any second, you were sure. 

"Sometimes," he said, sounding quieter and bitterer. You strained to hear as he started again. "Sometimes I think, once this is over, I'll tell [Y/N] how I feel. But it's never over. That's not how it works. So I never tell you."

_Tell me what?_ you thought, wondering if you could transmit the thought to him if you repeated it enough.  _Does he really... do we really?_

"I never tell you I love you."

_He does really._

He squeezed your hand gently, and you knew he meant well, but it hurt like hell. You winced.

"[Y/N]?"

_Well, shit. Guess it's time to wake up._

You forced your eyes open. The fluorescent hospital light made you blink several times in rapid succession as your eyes adjusted. For a few seconds, it felt like flashbulbs going off, and you felt like this was what people meant when they said "seeing stars." Something moved in your peripheral vision, and you turned your head, ignoring the persistent ache that seemed to permeate every single cell you had. Steve was leaning over you with the dorkiest little smile on his face.

"Good morning," you said, voice barely working above whisper level.

"Afternoon, actually," he replied. "How are you feeling?"

"Every part of me hurts. What the hell happened to me?"

"A few of them teamed up on you. By the time I got there, you were out cold. Thor and I had to pull them off of you."

"So what I'm hearing is that you saved me," you said with as much of a smile as you could muster.

Steve rubbed the back of his neck. "Well-"

"Uh-uh. You saved me and that's my final word on the matter. Well, you and Thor, anyway."

Steve grinned. "I'm glad you're awake. We were all really worried."

"So I've heard."

_Whoops, probably shouldn't have said that._

Steve gave you a puzzled look, and you glanced away, embarrassed. "I've sorta been awake," you said, still barely above a whisper. "When you started talking, it... didn't seem like I should interrupt. Sorry."

"I, uh... phew, alright. I wasn't prepared for this."

"Trust me," you said with a laugh that hurt your ribs, "neither was I. It was surprising."

"Good surprising or bad surprising?"

"Good surprising," you said without hesitation.

"So..."

Off to the side of you, you heard the  _whirr_ of the door opening and the soft clatter of a nurse in slightly-less-orthopedic shoes than the previous nurse had been wearing. "Sir, I'm afraid visiting time for today is o- oh, my. You're awake! You must be in a lot of pain. I'll have to up the dosage of the medication. Sir, I'm sorry, but it's time for you to leave."

You shook your head. "Does Steve have to go?"

The nurse nodded. "I'm sorry. Visiting time ended ten minutes ago."

"It's alright, ma'am," Steve said to the nurse, before turning back to you. "Promise me you'll get better quick, okay? I'll come back tomorrow. I get the feeling we'll have a lot to talk about."

"I'll have my eyes open this time," you promised.

"Until tomorrow, then?"

"Until tomorrow."

Steve leaned down and kissed you, gently, on the forehead. You felt the blood rising in your cheeks and heard the heart monitor speed up its beeping. You felt your breath speed up too, still in time with your thundering pulse. Beep, in, beep, out.

"How bad is your pain?" the nurse asked. "I can put you on something sleep-inducing, and that will help. Would you like to go back to sleep?"

"No, thank you," you replied. "I think I'd prefer to be awake."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One done, many to go! Up next is either Tony or Nat, I haven't quite decided yet.  
> Please, let me know what you thought in the comments! I love hearing what you have to say.


	3. Interrogation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha's got a few questions for you. You would answer, but they seem awfully rhetorical.

Nat's voice was pretty unmistakable. You made a quick decision - just to go back to sleep. Much as you loved Natasha - and you really, really loved Natasha - you weren't sure you were ready for her particular caliber of conversation.

You let your breathing even out and hoped she wouldn't notice that you were awake.

_Yeah, right._

You tried not to think too much about what was happening. After all, "what was happening" pretty much summed to Natasha Romanoff, who probably had her own injuries to take care of as well as keeping the rest of the team in check, came to see you when everyone else was still recuperating. If you thought too much about it, you were sure to lose yourself in a maze of possible meanings and indecipherable looks and your gigantic crush on Natasha.

As you had many times before, you wondered why she had to be such an enigma.

_Well not entirely,_ you thought, as you had many times before.  _She's had a clear word on the subject and it's "love is for children." I really like my odds here._

"The doctors said you should have woken up by now," Nat said from far closer than you expected her to be. Was she sitting in a chair? You didn't hear the fumbly plastic noises that usually come with hospital chairs.

_Just keep it steady, [Y/N],_ you told yourself.  _Breathe._

"That doesn't seem to be working out so well, does it? I'm not surprised. Ultron's mini-mes did a number on you."

You heard her exhale sharply. Or maybe it was a sigh - but that couldn't have been.

"Everyone got pretty roughed up," she said. "Clint broke his finger, and we're all pretty sure Tony has a concussion. We've all got more bruises than we know what to do with."

_Yikes,_ you thought.  _Is she okay?_

You decided to give up on the idea of getting more sleep and started the painful process of opening your eyes when you heard a very strange noise come from Nat's direction. Very strange indeed. It started as nothing more than a breath, but it warped a little bit until it sounded almost like a sob.

You let your eyes slide shut again.  _She wouldn't want me to see her cry,_ you thought,  _and anyway I'd probably cry too._

"And yet you ended up here," she said, straining, it seemed, for the words. "All of us are fine, give or take. Why'd you have to end up here?"

_Oh, Nat..._

"Because life isn't fair. Still, though. Why, of all of us, are you the one who had to get buried in a pile of scrap metal?"

_So that's what happened._

"You're not even the reckless one. Well, ones."

_That is true,_ you mused.  _Definitely more than one reckless one on the team._

"I tend," Nat said, seemingly to herself more than to you, "not to get terribly upset about things when they happen. Life goes on. You deal with it. But wouldn't it be nice if it wasn't terrible sometimes? If you didn't end up caring about people too much? If you didn't care so much about those people that it drove you crazy? If the people you accidentally cared about too much didn't end up in the hospital?"

That sound again. The crying sound. You couldn't take it. You opened your eyes. Hospital light assaulted your retinas, and for a moment you felt like the innocent suspect on a cop show who gets a flashlight shined in their eyes. You blinked rapidly.

"Nat," you said, your voice quiet and creaky, the muscles in your chest yelling at you to  _don't talk, idiot, it hurts when you do that._ "Nat, you... you care? I don't... ow."

She looked at you, not a single tear track on her face or one eyelash dampened. "I was wondering what it would take to get you to open your eyes. More than I expected. You're a very convincing fake sleeper. How are you feeling?"

_Wait, what? Was that all just made up? How the hell am I feeling?_

"In pain," you said.

"I can imagine. I doubt getting stuck at the bottom of a pile of robots is an enjoyable way to spend your afternoon."

"That too," you grumbled, all of your tissue still yelling at you to stop moving.

_I shouldn't have expected anything, right? Natasha "love is for children" Romanoff, of course that was fake. But still, that's pretty fucked up, for Nat. But either way. Shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. Should've gone back to sleep._

"You're acting like I didn't mean it," Nat said, almost too quietly for you to hear her. Geez, like she read your thoughts. Sometimes her powers of insight scared you a little. But also: acting like she didn't mean it? You were confused, to say the least.

"What? But - but you totally didn't! You were fake crying, Nat!"

"Well yes."

You turned your head to the side, despite your screaming nerves, so you could look her straight in the eyes. She gave you an enigmatic smile - always a puzzle.

"Is there any reason you can't just come out and say something for once in your life, Nat?" you asked, trying and failing to raise your voice above a hoarse stage whisper. It would have to do. "You're my best friend on the team. I like you, Nat. I care about you. A lot. And I'm extremely confused right now, and my whole body hurts, and you, much as I love you, are not helping one bit."

Natasha looked genuinely startled. This, in turn, startled you. You weren't sure anything had ever come as a surprise to Nat.

"Sorry," she said. "If it's worth anything, I'm awfully confused too."

You couldn't help it - you started giggling. It hurt like hell, but you couldn't stop. "What's wrong with us?" you gasped out.

"Well you're laid up in a hospital bed, among other things, and I'm having a rough time getting my facts straight."

"Among other things," you added, trying to get your laughter under control and wincing from the pain in your stomach. And your chest. And your head. "Look, Nat, just tell me. Honestly. Did you really mean the whole caring-too-much-about-me thing? Just give me a yes or no. Please."

"Yeah, I meant it," she said, and there was no irony nor regret nor slyness nor anything detectable in her voice. It was a fact. She cared.

_Holy shit._

"So what does that mean for, like... us?" you asked, hoping you weren't getting too ahead of yourself.

"It means you better heal up quick," she retorted, and you saw a smile inching its way up her face. "Not easy to love someone who can't move, though I suppose we could make it work. Still, get better soon, [Y/N]. Tower's not the same without you."

A voice crackled over the hospital intercom: "Visiting hours are now over."

Nat stood up from the white plastic chair and stretched her arms out in the same fluid way as a cat might have if that cat had been built like Natasha Romanoff. "I'll come back tomorrow," she said. "I'll bring company, and you can make them feel guilty about not being here today."

"Wait, Nat. You can't just drop the L-bomb on me and then leave! Besides, I thought love was for children."

As she walked toward the double doors, she shrugged and looked back at you over her shoulder, not breaking stride towards the exit nor even glancing at the doors as she pushed them open.

"So did I," she said.

The doors swung shut with a clatter.

_I,_ you decided,  _am going to get some sleep._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks for all the positive feedback on Cap's chapter! Please, keep the comments coming. They always make my night!  
> Next time: Tony Stark.


End file.
